The Definition of a "Mother"
What would you say is the definition of a "mother"? Let's see how Webster defines it before we define the word ourselves. According to Webster the definition of a "mother" is (1a) to give birth to, (1b) to give rise to: Produce and (2) is to take care for or protect like a mother. (Merriam-Webster internet addition) These definitions were the verb form of the word mother, mothered or mothering.
Why are we focusing on the word "mother" today. Well let's take a walk down memory lane. When you think of the word "mother" without looking in the dictionary it's normal that you think of your mother. Right? Well that's true for those of you who have only one. Myself on the other hand and several others like me have 2. I know what you thinking. How is that possible? Well, its possible if you were adopted.
Adopted children are blessed. We have the gift of having two brains to pick to help us get through this life's journey. They don't have all the answers, but what they do have are two different perspectives. So that gives us options as to how we are going to approach life's test.That's how I feel based on me having a relationship with both of my mothers. Let me stress that again for the people in the back. That's how I feel.
On the other hand, there are a lot of adopted children out there who feel like neither one of their mothers are their mother or that one is their mother and the other isn't. Are you confused yet. Ok. I'll go slower.
There are a lot of children out their who don't give their adopted mother nor their biological mother the title of "mother". They have some type of resentment toward both of the mothers. They may feel like one didn't want them so why does she deserve the title. On the other hand when it comes to the adopted mother there are so many possible reasons why the child or now adult may resent them. Some examples are: they only wanted me for the money, they never made me feel like I was part of the family, they act one way in public and differently when we go home, or maybe the relationship between the two wasn't good. As I said these are just some strong possibilities. However, these scenarios are out there.
These children have so many sociological issues that they may not wear on their sleeves but the pain of what they feel lives inside of them. This is a problem that a lot of light isn't shed upon. Nobody asks any questions. They just think for the child and as adults these children are left with the scares, no one else. This trickles down into their adult lives. Some of them act out in negative ways finding themselves in places they may not want to be in. All because they never learned how to deal with what they were and still are feeling.
( Image by Alexas_Fotos on Pixabay )This is a major problem for a lot of adopted children whether they do or do not have a relationship with one or two of their mothers. Of course I am only speaking of adopted children who had a relationship with their biological family or knew of their family. This is a tough situation to deal with at times especially when you become an adult and start your own family. Outside of what you already feel you develop more anxiety because of the trauma of your childhood and wanting to be better for your own children. You want the cycle to stop.
As for the children that have one or both of their mothers in their lives they are more likely to began a healing process. They set up a Q&A session with their mother or mothers so they can began to understand why things transpired the way they did. It isn't an easy process (take if from me). It is emotional for all parties involved, it brings dormant feelings to the surface and it can even draw a wedge between the parent and the child. The healing process can only be effective if all parties involved are in a mature place in their lives.
So when I began this post I wasn't all the way sure how it was going to end. Now that I'm at the end I realize the only thing I wanted to do was bring awareness to an issue that is overlooked. When we meet people in our day to day we don't ask "hey have you been adopted." Right, but we do get to know them on the surface until that relationship develops into something stronger. From now on when you meet someone just be mindful that we all have a story and we are all dealing with something. Somethings are more serious than others. Be mindful that some people seek therapy or counseling for their healing, but others like to self heal. I don't recommend self healing for a situation such as the above, but who am I. I'm just a young women who use to be one of those adopted children with so many questions that were unanswered. What do I know??????